7 Simple Steps to Stop Your Inner Critic from Holding You Back | Leave a comment

Have you ever heard that voice in your head that tells you that you aren’t good enough?

Have you heard that voice in your head that questions your ability, lists all your mistakes, or keeps you from going for your dreams due to your own self-judgment?

The great news is you are not alone.

We all have an inner critic: the voice in our head that can annihilate self-esteem, strengthen self-doubt, and keep us from having a growth mindset.

But you don’t have to let it rule your life. Using techniques, you can minimize your inner critic, change your mindset, and develop lasting emotional wellness.

What is the Inner Critic and How Does it Work?

The inner critic is the internal voice that focuses on your shortcomings, mistakes, and failures. It is the part of you that does negative self-talk, often repeating damaging ideas or expectations that make no sense at all.

And when the inner critic talks it usually sounds something like this: “You will never be good enough”, “Why did you even try?”, or “Everyone else is better than you”. Sometimes, it’s very clear and loud and other times, it can be quiet and contextually subtle while it eats away at an already fragile self-image.

The inner critic is often based on early life experiences, learned beliefs, and societal expectations. Once established, over time, our thinking soon cultivates beliefs, and because the brain is so used to self-doubt and low self-esteem, it often rules over our minds without a second thought. 

When left alone, this voice can perpetuate the feeling we have to “play small” or limit our level of risk…it’s important to realize there are often regrettable consequences of not following the critical inner voice because, although it is an effective barrier to emotional well-being and personal growth, it’s potentially harmful to you and can become interfering in your life if left unexamined.

The Negative Impact of Your Inner Critics

Being a slave to your inner critic has damaging effects on your mental health and self-value. Research indicates chronic negative self-talk has correlations with elevated anxiety, stress, and depression.

For example, the Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy published a study that demonstrated those who are prone to self-critical thinking are more likely to experience distressing symptoms of depression and lower levels of self-worth. Another study conducted by Behaviour Research and Therapy documented negative self-talk exacerbates anxiety, impairs one’s ability to recover from negative events, and ultimately contributes to the vicious cycle of self-criticism it is intended to help with.

When you allow your inner critic to dominate your thinking, you are more likely to avoid difficult experiences, miss approaches or solutions and live outside the realm of what’s mentally positive. The impact could chip away at your motivation, fracture relationships and discourage you from reaching your full potential. 

On the brighter side, the acknowledgement and management of your inner critic is the first step in regaining your self-value, which promotes emotional well-being.

How To Stop Your Inner Critic From Sabotaging You

Is it time to kick your inner voice to the curb? This step-by-step model is designed to assist you with building self-compassion, enhancing self-esteem, and facilitating personal growth.

1. Recognize Your Inner Critic

The first step to change is recognizing when you’re having inner criticism. Many people do not realize the frequency of their self-criticism. So the first thing to do is to notice when, how and what you are thinking about yourself, especially during stressful situations or setbacks.

Action Steps:

• Create mindful reminders: You might want to use sticky notes on your mirror, daily planner, or refrigerator with reminders, “What am I saying to myself right now?” or set your phone alarms at random times for reminders. When the alarm goes off, stop and mentally check-in with whatever you are thinking. You are creating a habit of awareness.
• Keep a self-as-critic journal: For at least one week, document any moment you experience self-critical or self-doubt thinking to the best of your ability. As soon as you notice self-critical or self-doubt thinking, in your journal briefly reflect on what situation you were in, how you were feeling, what physical experience you noticed (tightness, tension etc.). Then at some point after your week is up please go back to your journal and see if you can notice themes.
• Try a guided mindfulness meditation: For 5-10 minutes a day observe your thoughts without judgement. There are many apps like Insight Timer or Headspace that provide different guided recordings to practice self-awareness and self-compassion.

Example: You forget an appointment and think immediately, “I am so irresponsible”. You stop and notice: “that was my inner critic”. Then write that response down and include how that thinking made you feel.

The more you notice these habitual ways of thinking, the easier it is to interrupt them.

2. Identify the Triggers

Your inner critic does not just show up randomly. It is triggered by something – a situation, a person, or an emotion. Knowing your triggers will help you plan for those moments so you can respond better.

Action Steps:

• Look for themes in your self-as-critic journal: Based on your reflection, see if you can identify themes or situations in which your inner critic shows up. Do you notice that you have self-critical or self-doubt thoughts when you engage with certain people, places or tasks?
• Create an emotional map: Identify and write down the emotions you are feeling when you hear your inner critic the loudest. Do you notice your self-doubt increasing when you feel tired or hungry, are anxious, or feel rejected?
• Reflect on your history: Think back on the past – childhood, school, relationships, jobs – that may now be an influence on those triggers. Sometimes, our historical wounds reappear as self-judgment, self-criticism, self-doubt, etc., in our present life.

Example: You realize that you are officially self-critical at social gatherings when you are comparing yourself (or, at the end of the day when you receive “feedback” even the most minor) at work.

Now that you know your triggers, you can devise ways to handle them with more self-compassion.

3. Confront and Reframe Untrue Negative Thoughts

Your inner critic often states things in either exaggeration/untruths. Learning how to confront those thoughts is a powerful way to change your thinking.

Action Items:

• Try the “evidence test”: Once you have caught a critical thought in a moment of self-doubt, ask yourself, “What evidence do I have that this is true? What evidence do I have that it is not true?” Sometimes it is helpful to write down both sides to show your thinking.
• Try the “friend test”: If you had a close friend (who was likely also upset) that stated the same thing about themselves, what would you say to him or her? What would you say? Practice having the same compassion for yourself!
• Confront the negative thinking and reframe your statements: Use balanced language by changing your harsh negative judgment into something more neutral and supportive. Such as turning “I can’t do this” into “I am learning and it is ok to make mistakes!”

Example: Instead of “I mess up everything”, say “I made a mistake, but I am learning and improving. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.”

Regular practice of any of these thought and language changes will retrain the brain to connect to a more positive and productive mindset.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Treat yourself how you would treat a friend! Self-compassion is an affective way of silencing your inner critic and building up your emotional wellbeing.

Action Items:

• Self-compassion break (From Dr. Kristen Neff): When you find yourself being self-critical, try saying to yourself, “this is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself.” You can read more about this practice at self-compassion.org.
• Write yourself a compassionate letter: When you are feeling especially low, write a letter to yourself, as if you were writing to a friend. Help yourself by acknowledging your suffering, offering compassion, and reminding yourself of the things you are good at.
• Practice loving-kindness meditation: Loving-kindness meditation helps you focus on sending warmth and care to yourself. There are also guided versions that you can find on Insight Timer, or at self-compassion.org.

Example: Instead of calling yourself lazy after not meeting a deadline, try, “I had a lot going on at the time. I will learn from this, and I can try again. I am trying my best.”

Learning to engage in self-compassion will help you silence your inner critic and promote resilience.

5. Focus on Your Strengths and Accomplishments

Your inner critic would prefer you focus on your weaknesses, so be counterintuitive and focus on your strengths, accomplishments, and growth.

Action Items:

• Create a strengths journal: Spend a few minutes every evening recording 3 things that you did well that day, or 3 things you value about yourself. Be specific, and record your small wins too.
• Seek external input: Ask your family, friends, or coworkers to tell you what strengths or positive characteristics they believe you possess. Document this feedback for easier reference later.
• Design your own “win wall”: Either physical or digital, create a “win wall” where you can post your accolades, positive feedback, or moments you are happy about. Many people find it effective to periodically review these achievements, especially if they are experiencing self-doubt.

Example: After a challenging week you can write, “I had a tough conversation and I managed it well,” “I finished my project on time,” and “I was able to support my friend when they needed it.”

Developing awareness of your strengths can be an important factor in improving self-esteem and growing a positive self-image.

6. Be Selective About Who/What You Surround Yourself With

The people and situations you surround yourself with can serve to reinforce your inner critic or build your confidence. Be deliberate about who, and what you allow into your life.

Action Items:

• Get clear on your relationships: Write down a list of everyone you normally interact with, for a week or month. For each person, write down if you generally feel rejuvenated, or depleted after spending time with that person. Try to increase the amount of time you spend with the ones you feel positive with, and limit your time with those who are critical or toxic.
• Curate your media consumption: Unfollow or mute any social media accounts that remind you to compare yourself to others or trigger a self-doubt moment. Choose to follow pages, podcasts or authors that promote self-compassion, growth, encouragement, or positivity.
• Seek out engaged, supportive communities: Look for groups, clubs, or online forums where members appreciate and celebrate each other’s progress. This may be a hobby group, a mastermind, or it could simply be a community or support group dedicated to personal growth.

For instance: You join a group in your community and share and celebrate each other’s wins and unfollow accounts that make you feel lesser in some way.

Supportive people and environments help you stay positive to grow your emotional wellness.

7. Commitment to Continued Practice

Changing your relationship with your inner critic is not something you will change overnight. It is a commitment to ongoing practice. Consistency and patience are key.

Action Items:

• Set your weekly intention: Each Sunday pick the intention and focus for the week. You may choose something like “I will notice and challenge negative thoughts whenever I hear them” or “I will practice self-compassion every day”.
• Log your wins: Keep a journal of your progress. Each week write about the moments when you were able to notice your critic, challenge the critics thoughts, or reframe your inner critic. Recognize even your small wins.
• Ask for help if required: Do not hesitate to engage a therapist or coach, if you find your inner critic is firmly rooted or it is a part of past trauma. Several types of therapy have strong evidence to demonstrate effectiveness for example Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and self-compassion training. You can review your options at the Psychology Today’s Therapist Directory or self-compassion.org.

For example, after a period of time (after months) you will find that you are quicker to catch, or slow down your most self-criticism and reframe your thoughts, your self-confidence will begin to grow.

Continued practice will allow you to create lasting change taking you to even higher levels of emotional resilience.

Final Thoughts on Stopping Your Inner Critic

As identified above, your inner critic does not have to define you. When you learn to hear the voice of your inner critic, awareness of your triggers, challenge the negative thoughts you encounter, and practice self-compassion to build self-confidence you will create a more positive mindset.

It’s important to acknowledge, you are on your journey of self-growth with lots of small, consistent and persistent steps. Each time you engage in quieting your inner critic you are contributing to improving your mental health, self-esteem, and emotional wellness!

Start today by choosing one step from this guide and putting it into action. You have the power to transform your self-talk and unlock your full potential.